The Hugo-Unger-Gachet Variant

 

“Welcome to World News Today. I’m Che Colin,” the mocha-skinned anchor spoke, the reverb in his voice muted by his full-face military-grade gas mask.

 

“Alarming news out of France tonight, where scientists have discovered a new variant of SARS-CoV-2. They’ve dubbed it the Hugo-Unger-Gachet, or HUG, variant. Maya McKinnon reports from Paris.”

 

The screen cut to a petite woman with frizzy hair bopping a microphone against her similarly upgraded gas mask’s filters. “My apologies Che as we get used to these new masks in hopes of preventing infection,” she started before taking a moment to survey the street. It was deserted as was the café in the correspondent’s background. A few people in their windows above the street pulled back their curtains ever so slightly to monitor the situation as well.

 

“The latest variant as SARS-CoV-2 is the most contagious yet, largely due to its method of transmission,” she continued. “Once infected, a patient displays the symptoms – or symptom I should say – almost immediately. The symptom is highly noticeable…” the reporter swayed as she looked around.

 

“Maya, what is the symptom?” Che prompted.

 

“It’s quite disturbing, Che. It’s almost like something out of a zombie movie, only worse. Upon infection, a patient will move at superhuman speed towards the nearest person and…and…hug them. The infected person will hug a victim until transmission of the new variant is complete, which could take a s long as 30 seconds. After transmission is complete, the patient acquires immunity while the cycle continues.”

 

“Maya,” Che looked into the camera with a furrowed brow, “That sounds very frightening, this unsolicited hugging. Are upgraded gas masks enough to prevent infection?”

 

“As everyone knows, the masks are just for show. In actuality, Che, the World Health Organization is advising head-to-toe armored hazmat suits to help prevent the spread of this dangerous new variant. But WHO has also noted that given the ability of the new variant to spread so rapidly, it’s unlikely anyone is going to be able to manufacture enough suits fast enough.”

 

“Maya!” a voice rang out from behind the camera. But it was too late. An elderly French woman carrying a baguette was on top of the journalist before the news team even spotted her. The old lady’s arms wrapped around Maya like steel tentacles.

 

“Get it off! Get it off!” Maya screamed as she dropped the microphone and struggled like a fish in a net.

 

The camera dropped to the ground as well and shot the scene from gutter level. The cameraman ran over to help Maya, beating on the old woman with his fists to no avail. 30 seconds later the old woman let go and toppled over, as frail as her dogged face suggested. Realizing the situation, the cameraman started to back away, shaking his head.

 

“No. No, no, no,” he stammered as he turned to run away. But in the blink of an eye Maya was on him, hugging his guts out. Even a hundred pounds heavier, the cameraman thrashed fruitlessly. 30 seconds later Maya let go and rolled onto her back, exhausted.

 

“I didn’t mean anything by it but it might’ve been proper to ask first. Felt good, though,” Maya could be heard saying ever so faintly. Then the cameraman was off and running.

 

“We have just witnessed…” Che broke back in. “Um, here in the studio with me is senator Ed Cruise and biologist Jane Goodsome.” Dr. Goodsome was wearing a respirator similar to Che’s while the senator wore no mask. “Senator, I’ll start with you. Is it time to take SARS-CoV-2 variants seriously?”

 

“It is, Che. Listen, we can’t have people running around giving other people innocent, unsolicited hugs. Think of what that could lead to. We can’t let this great nation, or the world, be overcome by a virus that makes us treat each other with the appearance of some kindness or decency or makes us feel the slightest bit better within ourselves. I think it’s a dangerous precedent. Think of how the Military-Industrial Complex would be affected!”

 

“Wow, Senator,” Che chirped. “The conservative party doesn’t even try masquerading their agenda anymore. Dr. Goodsome?”

 

“What has to be understood, Che, is that viruses have been with human beings since the beginning and have even helped shape our DNA. This variant isn’t deadly, the symptom comes and goes quickly, and some of my colleagues have suggested the radical notion that a world in which we hug each other more might have beneficial effects,” the biologist explained. “Also understand that until the modern era, physical interactions such as hugs have played a large role in our social interactions. This has taken a toll on us as a society.”

 

“What benefits could come of this?” the politician scoffed, “Less division between people? There would be fewer wars. People would even start answer their doors when the doorbell rang. It’s absurd.”

 

“I don’t think we have a choice but to let the variant run its course,” Dr. Goodsome started, “And while we’ll get immunity to the variant in the process, as a scientist I’m actually interested to see what the long-term effects of this particular variant will be.”

 

“Stop! STOP!” rang out from the back of the studio.

 

A security guard was on the ground, embraced by the producer’s nearsighted assistant who had been returning from the breakroom with coffee. With the bespectacled twenty-something infected it appears the variant was spreading faster than anyone could have predicted. A few moments later the security guard got up and tackled the producer. Che and his guest were trapped.

 

The senator shot up from his chair and retrieved a crucifix from his inside jacket pocket and held it out against the producer who ran at him next. “I will not live in a world where anyone besides immediate family members hug each other,” he shouted. “People dying from the virus is fine, but this is going too far!” Then the senator fell prey to the variant, too.

 

The anchor bolted for the exit, leaping over the security guard and assistant while his producer death-squeezed the senator. Dr. Goodsome was left to fend for herself. The biologist sat there, though, curious to see what effect the HUG variant might have on the world in the long run. Past variants have arguably made the world a worse place. Is it possible the new variant will eventually save the world? The scientist in Dr. Goodsome knew that sometimes you have to take a step back before you take a step forward.

All Rights Reserved (c) April 2022 John J. Vinacci